On Needing Courage . . .
I got a newsletter in my e-mail inbox today from Emily Freeman from Chatting at The Sky.
She talks about meeting goals and the difficulties of the gap between idea and execution. About writing down specific reasons why your goal is important and the power of a little momentum. (In my case I would say that momentum would be writing everyday.)
Then she asked in what area of my life did I most need courage.
This is what came out . . .
Thanks so much for the newsletter. It speaks to me in a real way today.
The area in which I need courage the most right now has to do with blogging. I’ve been blogging off and on for 5 years. I started as a challenge to myself to write everyday for a year. ( I did 265 posts in that first year.) I have always wanted to be a writer but kept all my writing in my head, which was also filled with many valid reasons as to why I could never be a writer. Not finishing high school being at the top of my list. After all, what kind of a writer hasn’t read and pulled apart all the classics? Or who’s grasp of grammar and punctuation is sketchy at best? (Thank goodness for spell check . . . without it I wouldn’t even have attempted my first blog post! ;D )
So I started writing. A few people found me and left sweet comments. I kept writing. The comments became more complimentary (Some of them from my sisters mind you. . . but still!)
Something in me protested. Didn’t they know I couldn’t be very good? After all who was I too even think I could be????
My writing slowed down significantly.
Hormones began a crazy hokey pokey number on my body that lasted for several years, bringing along a serious case of anxiety that refused to leave.
Everyday I thought, “It’s time to just close this blog down. What am I doing with it after all?” But I couldn’t quite bring myself to do it.
Last July I was diagnosed with skin cancer. It had spread to a lymph node and the day before Halloween I went in for a radical groin dissection and a muscle transfer. I am thankful to say I am now cancer free, (Anxiety free as well, for the most part, which is rather odd isn’t it?) although I’m told recovery from surgery will take about a year and some things might not ever be the same.
God is good, as is life and I have been given the realization that God gave me the talents he did to use, not to hide, regardless of whether I felt worthy of them.
So here’s the part that needs courage. . . I feel called to write (and create and photograph beautiful things and . . . and . . .) but I also feel called to share what I write. And not just with family and friends. With people I don’t know. Maybe even to write more about the things that God is doing in my life. With strangers. . . who might find that offensive. . . gulp!
Whew! Scary stuff. After all, what if people did find me and didn’t like what I wrote???
Sorry it got so wordy. ;D I know how precious time is. But thank you for giving me a chance to put things into writing. And for encouraging me with the idea of momentum. I must not let this day pass without another post.
Why is it do you think, that it is so very difficult to share those things closest to our hearts? Because honestly??? The thought of putting this out there for all to see (especially anyone who knows me, with this particular post.) . . . makes me break into a nervous sweat!
And if you’ve ever seen the commercial . . . you’ll know that stress sweat smells much worse than the regular kind!! ;D
*Just because I like to add a pretty picture. . .
Is there anything in your life you need courage for right now?